Mosaic
by Aeris888
Summary: In a montage of blacks and whites, Nina sees. Nina-centric, slight Layfon/Nina


**A/N: **Shockingly, I'm on a roll, I have no idea why. This is just a little what-if. Not sure if the anime/novel would delve deeper into Nina's family, if ever they do, pardon this presumptuous piece.

**Mosaic**

"If you leave, you can never come back."

Those were her father's last words to her. Expecting nothing more, much less a beseeching expression or two, she left with nary a goodbye to that old, feeble man.

-----

Training that day was harsh, more so than usual; struggling to keep herself from limping like a rag doll, Nina tried to control her erratic breathing. Sweat pouring from her face, the oppressive heat added more toll to her aching muscles and the pungent atmosphere as if stuck on a dusty road in a rundown truck for who knows how long.

If Layfon noticed, he said not a word, for which she was grateful for. With his dite held out on a stance, Layfon moved like a seasoned warrior deftly parrying blows from other military artists. Making use of their distraction, Nina dashed to the enemy's flag with Sharnid in tow nimbly escaping traps set, while minor bombs, those things paralyses you in a feverish fervor you would not believe nonetheless. Breathing heavily, Nina climbed the tower while Sharnid stayed on the grounds to watch their backs, rifle on the ready in his practiced hand.

It took Nina no more than ten seconds for her hand to reach their goal, and no more than a minute after that for her to plunge to the ground with a weary grunt.

-----

"Fatigue and dehydration," the doctor exasperatedly said, tapping his head for emphasis, "going into that training only made things worse. Has she been eating and sleeping well? All the same, please inform me when she wakes up, I might prescribe her sleeping pills if she so wishes."

When the doctor left the group, Layfon turned to the others with an abashed look. "Sorry, I think I already noticed that Captain wasn't feeling very well, I just…"

"Don't worry about it! You know how Nina pushes herself to the extreme," Harley said in a comforting tone, "besides, if you did warn her off, you would have gotten more than just an earful!"

"I think we could be more than just an earful to her now though," commented Felli in a deadpan voice, belying her own concern. Nina fainted right in front of her, with the same usual smile she dons when she gets what she wants. It was both strangely endearing and frustrating, Felli couldn't decide exactly which.

"Looks like our sleeping princess has awakened at last." Sharnid, lounging comfortably on a chair by the bedside, playfully poked Nina's cheek.

With a light cough, Nina swatted Sharnid's hand away. "Who can sleep with all these racket."

"Oh, the pain! And here we were, filled with so much anxiety so thick you could cut with a knife!" Hand gestures abound, Sharnid then directed his impish gaze towards an unsuspecting Layfon. "Not to mention, Layfon fretting over you like a devoted wife. Honestly, Nina."

"Th-that's not it!" muttered Layfon, blushing like a schoolboy, "And I'm not like a devoted wife either!"

"Old school machismo at its finest." Sharnid leaned over Nina, and before she could react, he whispered with a smirk, "Nothing to worry about."

It took Nina a few more seconds, in her fatigue-induced brain, to comprehend Sharnid's teasing, as well as to see all their worried glances. Ashamed, Nina could only offer a weak smile and apology. For all her faith towards them, she could not begin to explain her apprehension. She will smile and apologize, for isn't something like this, something so trivial and selfish to others, a childhood whim in a way, not meant to be burdened to others?

They stayed in the hospital for an hour more, occasionally berating her, Felli especially in her own pokerfaced way. Layfon though looked uncomfortable, like a rabbit in a beast's den. She wondered if Sharnid's teasing annoyed him in some way, and if she, too, should get offended with Layfon's reaction. He shouldn't get so hang up on something so facetious, she thought irritably to herself.

"Don't you guys have part-time jobs to go to? Thanks for visiting me but you guys should go," Nina, about to swallow a slice of apple peeled by Harley, said matter-of-factly. "I can go home by myself, I'm fine now. The doctor's done his job too well, I suppose."

"Part-time job." Felli could only mutter to herself, a frightening gloom surrounding her.

"You sure, Nina?" Harley gave her the last slice of apple, of which she nearly choked on. "I don't mind waiting for you."

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Nina forced a grin despite her choking fit. "I'm already feeling very well anyway, I'll just rest here for a few more minutes, then I'll be off."

It took a few more reassurance before they finally left Nina in peace. As much as she adored all of them, being stuck with them in one room for a long period of time tires oneself out.

Her stomach adequately filled, she fell to a fitful sleep.

_Nina, the stars look like they're falling from the sky, don't they?_

-----

The day was humid, not scorching hot as how it has been for the past few weeks, to Nina's relief. Still, she dreaded to go to school today; the bags under her eyes would surely be noticed by the others. What could she say to them? That she's having dreams, no nightmares, so often that the thought of sleep keeps her up late at night, shivering and terrified? Or that she's been having waking dreams lately? It was ridiculous. This whole deal with dreams and delusions. She wasn't depressed; there was nothing wrong with her. What would they tell her anyway? That she was going crazy? She will have none of that; it was bad enough to get them unnecessarily worried the other day, to have them pity her would be the worst.

Lost in a contemplating frame of mind, Nina didn't notice Layfon by the sidewalk a few meters ahead wave his hand to her.

"Captain!"

With a start, Nina waved back. "Layfon! Sorry, I didn't notice you. Heading to school?"

"Yeah," Layfon scratched the back of his head with a sheepish smile, "I must not be very noticeable then."

"Oh, you! That's not what I meant," Nina said, lightly shoving him on the shoulder. "Anyway, you seem to be in a good mood today?"

"Eh? Am I usually in an awful mood?"

"The other day while in the hospital. You seemed kind of strange, like you were annoyed or something, you know?"

"I wasn't angry, really," Layfon said, wide-eyed. "Besides I could hardly be in the mood after what happened to you."

"Yeah, I know, sorry."

"Captain." Layfon halted suddenly in the middle of the road, the soft wind making a slight mess of his hair. She barely heard him, surrounded by the uproar of students and civilians, all in a hurry to get to their destination like a pack of ants towards their source of food. "If there's anything wrong, you do know that I'm, I mean, we're here for you, right?"

"I do." Surprised, Nina couldn't help but feel revolted with her own deception. "Thank you."

_All you need to do is enter a prestigious school, get married, lie behind your back, open your legs, and think that all these is for the welfare of the Antalk clan. Shame they did not program to you all that in your conception, eh?_

_-----_

Sarah Antalk was a kind woman. Was a kind woman. Was.

It never failed to incense her, in a soul-crushing deep _hatehatehate_, when people from her family's colleagues and relatives to random people she would see in the city square whenever she got the chance to elude her bodyguards (which happened most of the time, those sods) , would tell her that with eyes full of pity for poor little her. Nasal voices full of sympathy for the child who couldn't receive her mother's love and affection, condescending hands patting her straw-blonde hair, beady eyes that damns her mother and the little girl as well much as they felt sorry for her. Pity for the madness that runs in their family's veins. Like madness isn't innate, intrinsic inside you, crawling its way gradually, leisurely, unassuming, until it clasps you in a vice-like grip – _this is me me me me!_

Her mother would come to her room each night, seated by the end of the luxurious bed, covered in mirrors and shadows with the unbearable stench of the past and memories she could not leave behind. On occasion, the woman, there, by the bed covers, slowly creeping her way to the girl, like watching one of those old stop motion pictures her father favored, reaching towards the other side, her hands grasping the girl's smooth neck, squeezing, gently, very gently, like a perverse act of fondness. The woman with dusks in her eyes telling her that mother loves her, will protect her, for isn't that what mothers are supposed to do? Isn't that her role in this pathetic farce of society and family?

Insanity? With a guttural growl, the girl would lift her practice sword, start her training with a fierce ardor bathed in sweat and blood, a mockery of the soldier denied of her.

The girl would leave her home a year later, a sham of chivalry and noble intentions, full of the shadows she inherited, engulfing her in a suffocating clutch.

_We're all mad here._

-----

Zuellini wouldn't show herself to Nina for some reason. She felt a tingling sensation on the back of her head, like a very important something she forgot hauling at her mind. A vision of a red-headed man and then, bam, nothing, all forgotten again. Nina shook her head, and chuckled bitterly.

"Zuellini's not here?" It always amazed her how Layfon seemed to know what exactly was going on in her mind with just a look.

"No, I wonder where she is? I feel like I haven't seen her in ages."

"Don't worry. She's probably just playing pranks again on the other workers."

Nina snorted. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Shall we eat dinner?" Layfon held his feminine-looking lunch pack towards her. Nina heard her stomach growl. "You look hungry."

"Absolutely famished." They both sat on their usual place with the comfort of the cool, quiet air, Nina preparing the tea Layfon loved. "Another lunch pack from your admirer, eh? Don't you think it's a bit mean of you to let me eat this?"

"I don't even know who left that in my dorm. It would be a waste since I can't finish all that." Layfon shrugged in one of his rare moments of indifference. "I'm just glad it's not poisoned or anything."

"You are horrible." Nina wolfed down the sandwiches she held in one hand and a cupcake in the other.

A long soothing stillness settled, with the exception of the reactor's constant movements. "Captain, have you heard from your family lately?"

"Where did that come from?"

"I heard you in your sleep, while in the hospital. You were calling for your mother."

"Did Harley and the rest hear?" She couldn't help the coldness sweeping out of her voice, shame and resentment marking her throat. The sandwich laid back on the case, cold and forgotten.

"No. It was just me inside that time." Layfon looked at her, with something like understanding in his eyes. It almost made her laugh, the absurdity of it; how people would delude themselves into thinking they understand, that they empathize in some way, when humans aren't that simple at all. The memory of her burdensome ramblings about honor and trust to Layfon months ago seemed so comical now it almost made her cry. "I won't promise I can understand right away and this may seem nothing more but mere words, but I'll listen. That's the very least I can do."

A tense minute before Nina replied, sardonically, "A letter was mailed to me from a relative back home who I kept in contact with. Apparently my mother killed herself, hanged herself in my old room. It seemed like my father is inconsolable, surprisingly. They want me to go back home, visit her grave or something like that."

"Why is it surprising? Your father, I mean."

"Why? Because my father didn't even notice her when she was alive, then again, she must have been a raving lunatic by then. She must have tired him out. I don't know. I'm probably making excuses for them," Nina heatedly said. "The thing is Layfon, they may be family, but I just didn't know them. They were just there, especially my father, like a silhouette, someone in-between alive and dead. He was feeble, self-centered and greedy; all for the Antalks he would always say to me, as if a mere child could understand that. My mother, people always used to say, was kind. It was their own way of saying 'not anymore, poor child'. It disgusted me, all the lies and the half-truths. Absolutely disgusted."

"But you loved her though," Layfon said quietly, surely. It made Nina bristle, thinking how can he be so positive, so arrogant in his self-proclaimed knowledge that she was so very easy to see right through? He was always like that, had a way of making you feel so idiotic and weak. "You were calling for her. You sounded lonely."

She stood up abruptly as if burned to the touch, enraged in her own irrational hatred and desire. "This is stupid. I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut! Now you're going to tell me something sophistic like how you understand. You're right, you know? All those are nothing more but meager words, empty, meaningless words!"

She couldn't look at him, didn't want him to see how pathetic she has become. What a progress she has made, O Great Leader!

"No!" Layfon said, face reddening. Nervous. Not as confident. Like a child grasping for some semblance of benevolence, foolish, yes, but earnest. "I don't understand at all. I wish I did, I wish I could understand what it was like in that home of yours. I may not have had parents like that, but I do know loneliness. I do know. At the very least…"

She could hear, clearly, her beating heart. Constant. Heaving. It was funny, ludicrous even, Layfon was the last person she expected to say anything about forgiveness. Ruthless, merciless Layfon. Has he changed that much without her noticing? Has she changed in his eyes? For the better or for the worse? She wasn't certain why the answer seemed important to her.

Feeling an urge of compassion for the stammering boy, she always was unable to stay irate at him for long. Nina placed her right hand on his cheek, quieting him down, trying, in her own way, to understand, to forgive, as painful and futile as the very idea may be. Quietly, in a tired voice, she said, "I don't think my mother's madness made her weak. I think it was her own way of rebellion against the people who confined her, stifled her will. She must have loved me. I think she did, in her own selfish way. By the bed, each night, even now I see her."

It truly was a cold night, unusual on these hot summer days. Odd, as all Nina could feel at that instant was the warmth of Layfon's gaze.

----

At her dorm, worn-out with the smell of past lives and lurid dreams, Nina took a long shower, easing her aching muscles and joints. Wearing her old nightgown, she pulled off her bed covers and climbed to bed. The clock by her bedside read 11:10 pm. The moon by the window was large, unfettered by the clouds, gossamer light falling towards her, towards the foot of the bed, towards straw-blonde hair like hers and a beautiful, peaceful smile, burning brightly, a torch flung to the trees.

Nina, lying calmly by the bed, could still faintly heed the constant beating of her heart.

-End-


End file.
